Chapter ii: Diary of a Swazi in the Diaspora

Dear Diary

I, Philile Masango, daughter of a farmer and umgcugcuteli (rural health motivator), live in truly interesting and exciting times. I have lived to experience firsthand what Charles Dickens meant when he said ‘it was the best of times; it was the worst of times’.

As expected my previous blog narrating my life story and addressing the state of affairs in Swaziland has generated massive feedback, flak and dialogue, thanks to the Times of Swaziland newspaper for publishing my written thoughts albeit partially, and sensationalized.

The feedback of sorts shows I’m on course with what I sought to do - which is, starting a conversation amongst ourselves as Swazis about our socio-political and economic situation and consequently spring us into taking action. In fact, for me, having a conversation is big enough action for a nation that is hardly participatory.

Obviously, as I pointed out in my previous article, part of this new conversation was inevitably going to be laden with insults, innuendos and at times prejudiced insinuations about my motives. All is well with me; I long realized that when you give out criticism you must be ready to stomach that which comes your way.  

Fortunately I have been in the public spotlight for a long time now and I’m used to being labeled and criticized on my PERSONAL shortcomings in national newspaper gossip columns like Bingo’s Jive and Seen & Heard, and in other   newspaper columns like Boxed Up. I’ve been receiving these kinds of criticism from when I was a naïve, insecure and impressionable 20 year-old so I can stomach pretty much anything at age 32.

Right now I’m expecting anything from being labeled a member of the banned and demonized political movement PUDEMO or their puppet, to being a bitter bitch who is only venting because the current Prime Minister (PM) did not honor my request back in the year 2010 when I asked him to make me part of the Government Press Secretary’s team as one Bongani Mamba has insinuated publicly.

Or better yet, labeled a bitter bitch because the PM, my supposed boyfriend, has dumped me as his secret lover. Actually rumor has it that my one year-old son was fathered by him and that in fact I live in South Africa because he placed me there, pays my rent and my tuition fees. I’m a lucky girl aren’t I? Sigh.

Explaining myself

I don’t feel obliged to justify my life and the choices I have made as an adult or to even dignify false rumors with responses but I feel, for the benefit of the confused bystander, I must clarify some few issues lest they are assimilated as fact by a gullible audience.

Yes, I did have a meeting with the current PM Sibusiso B. Dlamini sometime in 2010. And yes I did tell him that like many other Swazis, I would like to come back home and work since I have upgraded my knowledge by pursuing post graduate studies at Wits University, but still finding it difficult to find a job, especially for me since I had been asked to resign from Swazi TV by the legal advisor who said she was acting on the instruction of then CEO Vukani Maziya.

The PM  looked at my CV and politely told me that  even within the government that he heads, there isn’t a post, at least at that time, good enough to remunerate me fairly given the qualifications and experience I had amassed over the years but nonetheless, he promised to come back to me.

Perhaps, the next question my distracters would ponder on is; why go straight to the PM when you need a job, the same PM who works for the Tinkhundla you now say is only good when pitched as an example of bad governance?

Well, I went to him because when I was at Swazi TV I had built a good rapport with him, so in my books he was an acquaintance. I’d like to believe he still is. I also approached him as a human being, like all of us approach whomsoever we know in positions of influence or power to help us get jobs or business opportunities. I don’t see anything wrong with approaching an acquaintance or another human being to help, even with head hunting opportunities, especially if they are professionally well connected throughout the world.

Denial: romanticizing abuse

Secondly, then, in 2010, my level of consciousness about the depth, nature and complexity of MY being and identity as a Swazi had not reached where it is now. I, like at least a few of my friends, was blindly patriotic and in denial about the bad governance existent in my country. After all, like every other typical Swazi, I always blamed some ‘minorities’ for the country’s woes and I loathed them for painting a bad image of the kingdom. I’m not saying I know it all now, but what I know for sure is that I am out of denial and my awareness about issues is work in progress and I’m ready to learn.

You see, lacking in consciousness of any sought is like being in an emotionally abusive romantic relationship - when you’re in it you remain in it because you keep making excuses for your abusive lover and even for yourself.

You choose to stay in it because you want to be loyal to him and because your Aunts told you loud and clear on your wedding day, “Emendveni kukam’khatsali ke Sisi. Noma bakukhulumela bakwenta lokubi bekhakhakho nemyeni wakho, uthule nje, utincenge wena kutsi umendvo wakho uphumelele ungaze ube libuya” even though deep down you know the way he treats you and makes you feel doesn’t quite sit well with your gut feeling.

You even go on to compare yourself to the couple next door and say, “At least he doesn’t beat me up to a pulp like her. At least he bought me a car and still lets me drive it on weekends, so I’m better, I just need to work with him and not do or say things that will upset him.”

Emotional abuse and its cousins thrive on fear, intimidation, guilt and manipulation amongst others. Victims of emotional abuse stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone. But for those who are able to get out of it and leave their partner, they leave knowing all too well that they risk losing everything - from material possessions, to their children and some members of the family but they still soldier on and choose to rescue their soul and dignity rather than continue to live with the systematic bullying.

As for me, I know the denial phase very well because I remember a few times when as a student at Wits I called into the Gauteng youth radio station Yfm, and told Dj Fresh and crew, “If you’re not happy with how we run things in Swaziland then leave us alone. So what if our King buys his dozen wives brand new top of the range BMW’s every month? At least he pays for our tertiary education and your rubbish South African government doesn’t. We are not the ones who live in shacks like the lot of you. Leave us aloooooooooone”, I screamed from the other end of the phone. That was me then.  

Awakening to myself

Don’t shoot! I was only 24 years old. I know ‘normal’ 24 year-olds are supposed to know better especially if they have worked as journalists before. But hey, cut me some slack, being a ‘typical Swazi’ I hadn’t bothered to understand outside of what we’d been told that His Majesty’s government is so generous it gives us money to further our studies. As a Swazi TV journalist, questioning wasn’t part of the newsroom culture, ours was to put the microphone and camera in front of the cabinet ministers and let them speak for hours if they like.

I learnt later after living and working in a participatory community like South Africa that actually, having your government educate you is a right and not a loyalty reward or privilege. Through being taught primarily how to think rather than to get good grades and pass onto the next degree at Wits, I understood later that the scholarship funds are monies taxed from our parents and therefore we have a right to  ‘Scholarship semaswati’.

I too, was blinded by the ‘romantic relationship’ I had with my country, my culture, my identity and my King. Speaking of which, I found it quite ironic that Bongani Mamba, uses this analogy when defending why he chose to attack me personally on his facebook status. He said, “Uma umfati lomtsetse angasalandzeli inchubo yelikhaya lakho uyindvodza wenta njani ? Uma utsi uyefika ukhandze inyanga longayati ibetsela nobe ichela likhaya lakho itsi itfunywe ngumfati wakho wenta njani?”

Very ironic because this past weekend I overheard one of the men at my son’s birthday party at kaLanga say “Uyati vele benta (lalabasiphetse) ngatsi sendzile naku eveni naku. Futsi ungatsi sendza lokwa kusete nabo SWAGAA”.  Also ironic because Bongani is the same guy who boasted over a decade ago, about founding the Swaziland Association of Men (SAM) and how it sought to amongst others, create much needed dialogue amongst men about the need to respect women and treat them as equals in decision-making.

Bongani who?

Ok, ok, before you get confused let me start from the beginning. I wrote an article two weeks ago where I made known my thoughts about how my country is governed. I posted it to my personal blog and as it turned out my article went viral, even the local press reported about it. Am not complaining! Of all the comments and critiques I received one stood out from the rest. It was from one Bongani Mamba. Let me share with you verbatim the facebook post he wrote subsequent to my opinion piece (kindly pardon the grammar) Bongani Mamba wrote:

“PHILILE MASANGO ex-Swazi TV News reader "Tinkhundla a haven for Corruption & Bad Governance!!! Hhayi ubatjelile sisi, beva le-ka-Zuma where you are trying to profile yourself as a Pro-Demokrat, so that they fit you into their system bakubukele nematoho lanconywana. If you were in SD last weekend, bengitakutsi udzakwe Maganu...but I can still say udzakwe ngule-scholarship semaSwati lesakufundzisa k...ute ubone kutsi the System is corrupt! Instead of bringing back lemali, usutela etulu njengamanyovu. While it is true dat the Tinkhundla system is not 100% corruption -proof like the systems you are referring-to, which are also gapping with corruption in the name of Multi-party....it is very annoying to hear ants like you claiming that we have the most corrupt system and you can't even serve....you have served the system, you have worked for a parastatal SWAZI TV...wat do you mean you can't serve??? If you cant tolerate us and our system go-wani maan! but remember to ETF (sic) the scholarship, swazi students need it.”

So this is the facebook post that got people calling me names from sigolwane (stray dog), an uninformed little girl who thinks she’s a ‘political messiah’ who will ‘save’ Swazis because I think I’m bigger than the nation, to an attention-seeking good-for-nothing newsreader who is just ‘trying to grab headlines over nonsensical stuff’ one comment read, going further to say ‘It is the people that make the system [corrupt], not the system that makes the people [corrupt]’.

Swaziland governance system is corrupt

First of all I must point out that in my original article posted to my blog and in the subsequent story written by the Times of Swaziland journalist, not once did I mention corruption in Swaziland, not because there aren’t corrupt activities going on, but because I had reserved that subject for chapter four of the “Diary of a Swazi in the Diaspora”.  I may not be a politician or an expert in corruption but I obviously know that there is no governance system that is 100% corruption-free, so there’s no way even an ‘ant’ (another of my new names, thanks to Bongani Mamba) like me could have said what Bongani claims I said “Tinkhundla a haven for Corruption & Bad Governance!!!”.

Perhaps it is understandable why Bongani would say by voicing my opinions (or badmouthing my country if you will); I’m indirectly applying for a post within the South African government and seeking to impress pro-democrats worldwide. In retrospect does it mean he appointed himself the defender of ‘the system’ and buve bakhe, often at the expense of assassinating the characters of others who criticize ‘the system’ just because he is also paving his way into a political appointment with the current government?

May I point out too that Bongani became extremely personal in his critique of my views despite that I’ve known him since I was 13 years old, and quite intimately so. He knows far too well what I’m capable of, including playing dirty but I prefer not to lower myself to his level because he will beat me with experience. But more importantly I want to teach him that yes I may be younger than him and tiny as an ant, but we can disagree and still remain civil in our engagements.

In any case, the issues I raise about my country and people are bigger than who he is or wants to be as a person. I will not let him and his kind distract me.

Scholarship loan repayments

As for returning scholarship funds - I have not repaid a single cent of what was loaned to me for my undergraduate studies at the University of Swaziland. I suspect it’s mainly because I was not given the exact address of where to pay when I signed the loan agreement.

To date, no one has even bothered to bug me about paying the loan back. Sometimes I wonder if anyone knows who still owes repayments. Has anyone ever cared? Just shows how efficient our financial management systems are as a nation. Hey don’t look at me for not pro-actively playing my part, it’s part of my culture not to question remember?

Fortunately with my two postgraduate degrees, government paid tuition for my Honors degree only because I had won a scholarship as a prize for winning the Media Institute of Southern Africa Investigative Journalist of The Year Award in 2003.

For the Master’s degree, I paid from my own pocket because government said they just couldn’t pay anymore. In any case the agreement was that to ‘pay back’ the prize (I know), I would have to ‘serve’ the Swaziland government for at least two years upon completion of my studies. This is the primary reason why I approached the PM directly to help me find a job.

I didn’t stress when the PM couldn’t help me find an opportunity to ‘serve’ because when I signed the scholarship agreement at the ministry of Public Service, the official in charge told me that ‘serving the Swaziland government for at least two years’ didn’t literally mean I had to work within government because obviously government cannot hire everyone, but it meant that whatever I do, and wherever I am, I should lift the Swazi flag high.  

Judging from the accolades I received from random and high profile Swazis over the past five years while working as a News Anchor and Producer at SABC Africa/International and Kayafm in South Africa, I think I have done well kuphakamisa umjeka wakaNgwane, thank you very much.

Who should ‘save’ our souls?

And then there are those who accuse me of acting bigger than the nation by attempting to be a political messiah who wants to determine the future of Swaziland on behalf of Swazis from the comfort of air-conditioned offices and bottomless cocktails in Johannesburg because I think I’m cleverer than ‘lamaswati lalibele’ (stupid Swazis).  This is where I repeat the line I once heard in a Nigerian movie…. “Africans you defeat me”. 

Really, who must ‘save’ ME as a Swazi? Who should be shaping my destiny on my behalf and where should that person be sitting or dancing from and drinking what exactly? When Western countries ‘invade’ Libya to save Libyans from Brother Leader Moumar Gadhaffi, there’s uproar and the Westerners are told to stay out of it and let Libyans determine their own future. When homegrown Libyans (read Swazis) like me get involved in ‘saving’ the rest of their compatriots they are called rebels, puppets of the West or self-appointed political messiahs working to appease pro-democrats of the world. Huh? Kani kufunekani? (What should be done really?)

Or is the role of ‘saving the nation’ reserved for Swazis living in Swaziland like Mphandlana Shongwe, Mario Masuku or better still, Bongani Mamba? If so, who secures the reservation list and why? Does anyone have the address of this Master of Reservations so I can seek his permission to speak about the things that affect me as a Swazi and my vetting can be done accordingly?

Really why must I seek permission from him/her? Is it because by speaking out and living outside the country I automatically and unknowingly undo my Swazi identity and belonging? Or should we all just wait another 2000 zillion years for Jesus to leave his peaceful seat next to his loving father in heaven and come back to ‘save’ us?

Its’ just like those people who pulled out their hair and banged their heads on walls after the SABC’s Cutting Edge documentary reported on rural Swazis who eat cow dung because of the dire poverty they experience. These tantrumy Swazis wailed endlessly saying South African journalists should mind their own business and stay out of Swaziland affairs. These are the same Swazis who join in emphatically on regional and global talks about the need to maintain our indigenous African and biblical ways of doing things like ‘love thy neighbor as you love thyself’ because ‘kusasa kuyitolo’.

Funny enough this is the same bunch that wailed again when the email highlighting Gadhaffi’s achievements made the rounds shortly after his death. They asked, “Why do we continue to allow Western media to tell our story as Africans? Why didn’t the African media report about Ghaddafi’s good deeds all this time? Where was the African media when Western media disrespected our dignity as Africans by showing the Brother Leader’s murdered body on TV?”

Really? You now expect to be ‘saved’ by the same African media and neighbor you expect to stay out of your affairs? Africans you defeat me.

Wrong Platform, wrong train

Some of those who commented on Bongani’s status acknowledge that granted I have issues to raise ‘but the platform you are using is wrong?’ Huh? What platform? Itseng’swaphi le platform? (Where is this platform sold?)

Wrong platform? According to which law? Where exactly should I be raising my concerns and according to whom? Somebody please share this list of pre-defined platforms.  Until I get that list and accept it as fair, I don’t think I need to be placed in a certain space or institution to speak what I choose to speak publicly. Right now my preferred platform and train is my blog and thoughts respectively, thank you very much.

Anyhoo, with regards to ‘waiting to cross the border before addressing Swazi affairs’, I will not repeat the reasons why I’m living in South Africa today. You would have to read my previous blog for that one.

But basically, there’s some truth to the suggestions that I’m only ‘badmouthing’ the kingdom now because I don’t live in it. There are a few brave souls that live in Swaziland that still disregard the fear of the [un]known that holds many from voicing their views about the socio-political and economic conditions in Swaziland and the truth is, if I was there, I probably would also find myself succumbing to this prevailing and ever-present fear.

Thankfully by growing in self-awareness and living in a democratic SA (kuhamba kubona), I’ve been re-cultured into speaking my mind without fear or favor or, as my father taught me, without having to toe a certain political party line.

So no, I’m not trying, not even remotely, to be a ‘Jesus’ of Swaziland politics. In fact I don’t know much about politics but I know to awaken myself to and make sense of what is going on around me and I will continue to share my findings here on my blog when I feel like, even at the expense of being accused of ‘trying to grab headlines with nonsensical stuff’.

Being a headliner

Kona vele why would I want to grab headlines when I am the headlines? And I am not being arrogant and pompous here. It probably all dates back to as far as 1815 where according to my grandmother, the surname Masango (Gates in English) was coined.

My grandmother says we are called Masango because during the Mfecane wars between the years 1815 and 1840, when tribes found themselves forced to migrate from one secure spot to another, ours (Masango clan) was to walk ahead of everyone else to clear the [sometimes thorny] bushes (read: gates) and assess the selected secure area for the rest of the group to safely come through.  She proudly narrated this story to me when I made my newspaper headline debut in the Times of Swaziland at age 13. She narrated to me this history with the same enthusiasm when I made Times of Swaziland headlines again at age17 years old.

This is one of those pieces of information you can use or lose but I just had to share since some people think I’m desperate for  attention whereas it’s actually attention that seeks me. I would assume it would be obvious to many of us why this is so - it comes with the territory of the industry I’m in.

So I repeat, this time in the words of US rapper 50cent: I try not to respond to things that don’t matter [to me], but every now and then I will remind you who I am and where I come from. I am my father’s daughter.

That said, even as an ‘ant’ dear Bongani, I do not need to seek your permission or anyone else’s for that matter about when to speak. Nor do I need anyone’s permission on what to speak about. I’d like to believe that the Creator of all human beings knew what he was doing when he created all the animals he has created for this earth and universe. So that ant, as tiny and ‘annoying’ as it is, has a purpose and relevance in the broader human cycle of life...maybe there's a reason why ants were  live underground where every human being ends up eventually. I truly believe in the Creator's purpose for all creatures.
Otherwise if it was insignificant and worthless, you Bongani Mamba wouldn’t have bothered posting a facebook status on the anthill the ant named Philile Masango is trying to build.

So yeah dear diary, I’m sure you have seen the levels of tolerance from my countrymen for:  dissenting views and open & honest public debates, the [unwritten] rules about; who speaks about governance issues, the content of the speeches of those who should speak and through which platforms. These tell you lot about how close we are to achieving the First World community status which His Majesty King Mswati 111 so badly craves for us as a nation.

My dear diary…I will leave it here for today.

I remain fearlessly yours,

Philile Masango

My father’s daughter