White Wedding: A Cultural Faux Pas

I know I may seem pedantic about issues of identity and particularly Swazi identity but I think this is an important topic that must be continuously discussed because if we cannot answer the simple question of who we are and why, then we will struggle to navigate the various layers of life and therefore we will not know where we are headed and to what end.

So, today I’d like to explore identity through the cultural lens, specifically modern day cultural practice and custom  of what is widely referred to as a ‘white wedding’.

With shows like ‘Our Perfect Wedding’ on DStv, white weddings have become a significant part of our conversations. In fact, ‘Our Perfect Wedding’, is one television show that will make even the most silent facebooker rise from the ashes to givean opinion on what the wedding party has done right (quite rare) or wrong. 

Many a couple getting married on this show get ridiculed for their bland taste in fashion etc.

A white wedding is probably one of the few ways in which anAfrican girl is ‘allowed’ to express herself fully without any restrictions or fear of reprisal. 

Most women will tell of how they've known since they were adolescent girls of what they wanted their wedding ceremony to look like – the gown, ring etc.

As a little girl I never had this thought but as a young woman in my mid-twenties, a white wedding is what subconsciously planned to execute when I thought I was ready to crossover to marital bliss. 

In my head at the time, I was happy that this kind of wedding would have society validate me in so many ways including 'doing it the right way'.

However, over the years, I’ve found myself immersed in multicultural environments where conversations often revolve around our shared experiences illustrated through our similarities and differences; I found that I was awakening to questions about how the Swazi people get married. 

In exploring this question, I found that I’ve had a few encounters where I’d heard people say “Akashadanga, bam’teka”. 

I’ve probably said this too at some point – enforcing the theory that one is not fully married if theirs was done through the traditional Swazi way of getting married, that a white wedding is the one that is recognized as a complete wedding/marriage.

A Swazi bride looking radiant on her wedding day.

In this exposure to diverse cultures, I wondered about the history of white weddings and how the African/Swazi people fit into this popular ceremony.

So I was quite excited a few weeks ago when I caught on to a radio show that was unpacking this topic. The guests of this show were a pastor Thembelani Jenkile and his wife Refiloe. 

The man of god narrated that the couple is the process of planning their isiXhosa wedding to correct what they say was imposed on them by church elders  in the form of a ‘church wedding’. 

He added that he’s come to realize this kind of wedding is not even a Christian custom.

His argument was based on his new-found facts that a white wedding is actually not referred to in any part of the biblical scripture and therefore not Christian. 

In addition, he says, this so-called church/white wedding is un-African and therefore unnecessary.

Obviously, now, after being exposed to how this borrowed cultural practice impacts African families, I agree with the pastor that it is an unnecessary practice to Africans. 

Firstly, do we know the symbolisms of throwing the brides bouquet and gutter, of wearing wedding bands, of the cutting of the cake etc. 

Pastor Jenkile’s preoccupation with this issue led to his own fact-finding mission. His search has revealed that this kind of wedding is a European tradition. 

Originally, the bride wore her favorite dress to the wedding and so Queen Victoria wore a white dress and the rest as they say is history as fans followed suit. 

And because in the olden days most marriages were arranged, the bride was covered in a veil so that the groom could see his bride only after the wedding ceremony; thereby avoiding a change of mind on his part should he see a bride he wasn’t particularly pleased with. The veil was also to protect the bride from evil spirits.

 The cake made of wheat and barley was broken on the bride’s head to symbolize wishes for fertility and the honeymoon was a 30 days period in which the new couple locked themselves away to indulge in an alcoholic brew designed to increase fertility.

I also have an issue with practices that we adopt at the expenseof discarding our own indigenous African/Swazi cultural practices. What has always bothered me about Christianity for instance, is the tendency of church leaders to dismiss our historical customs and practices as demonic and satanic. 

This is just wrong because before the missionaries arrived in Africa with their bible, we had our own belief system and ways of doing things.

For instance, we have always gone to herbalists when physically or spiritually ill. Research shows that even today, for most Swazis and Africans, the first point of call is the local herbalist. 

We had the goats gall and red soil smeared on a new bride, but today’s Christian world frowns upon that and describes it as unholy. Why do we easily buy into foreign cultures and have difficulty embracing our own?

A traditional Swazi wedding is colorful and open to all community members. It is known as 'Umtsimba' and is held at the groom's home. Dancing and feasting are permanent features of the three-day affair.

This is what I found to be interesting about Pastor Jenkile’s‘white weddings are un-African and un-Christian’ stance; he neglected to say that Christianity itself is an imported lifestyle that we inherited from our former colonizers (read: oppressors)and therefore un-African itself – a cultural faux pas, just like the white wedding.

Don’t get me wrong, a white wedding is a pretty and exquisiteshow when executed well, so I’m not surprised that we have adopted it as part of our African culture because after all, culture is dynamic. 

But we have to agree, it is an expensive show and yet we continue to have it even if we have to get a bank loan to finance it. Sometimes this is the reason why the lovely couplecelebrates their three year wedding anniversary in court, seeking a divorce.  

The debt accumulated for financing the wedding leads to financial instability in our homes resulting in irreconcilable fights. Let’s find ourselves, and mapping a value system could be a first step in (re)constructing our identity.