What Would We Be Without Blessers?

I seriously thought I’d sit this one out because I didn’t expect it would bother people the way it seems it has, so here goes nothing from my hashtag Blesser rant.

Firstly, I’m baffled and struggling to comprehend why people are so shocked, mad, bitter, or confused and even excited by this whole Blesser phenomenon which is hogging a large chunk of social conversations lately. 

Scratch that, it’s actually ALL conversations because this Blesser talk has come up a few times in our Financial Strategy class at the GIBS Business School. 

I’m yet to figure out why I’m a tad irritated that most of my classmates are amused by the whole concept. Blessers are no more a part of our life now than they have been for many years.

A screen shot of the Facebook Blesser Finder page advert.

I’m probably as baffled as the health care workers I was with in the room when in a discussion about girls and ‘Transactional Sex’, a colleague, senior in the United Nations family, restively mentioned; “If we could just remember and accept first that ALL sex including sex in marriage is transactional, we could…”

Hesitant chuckles filled the meeting room and I noticed quite a few people hung on to the rest of his sentence to hear what point he was making.

I totally got where he was coming from and this is why I’m even a little annoyed that people are shocked and allegedly despaired by what the Blesser-Blessee phenomenon means for our society, “…the future of our girls especially…” and blah blah.

What am I going on about? The Blesser trend is tied to a social media page which gains popularity daily and rapidly; it’s called “Blesser Finder”. 

Here, mostly young women advertise what sex favors they are willing to give to wealthy men, in exchange for money and all the luxurious things (or basic needs according to others) that money can buy e.g. Brazilian hair extensions, beach holidays, sleek SUVs and all the shiny things they can joyfully post to their Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Snapchat. 

Think Khanyi Mbau – the South African actress who for a good few years didn’t do any actress work because she was proudly parading her flashy lifestyle of Lamborghini cars and champagne breakfasts sponsored by her Blesser Mandla Mthembu, a millionaire then and father to Mbau’s daughter.

What annoys me at the shock and sadness some express at this trend is that our society, over many years has crafted and peddled the financial and social benefits of a being in a sexual relationship with a certain kind of man or woman. 

In ancient days it was common practice for parents, across cultures, to arrange marriages for youngsters just only to make sure that they marry into the ‘right’ family of a chief, king, priest, and wealthy man amongst others where there was a guarantee that they would not lack.

Nothing much has changed in modern society where educated, professional and supposedly independent women and men charm and get attracted to each other for what they have materially. Still today I hear many a peer speak of the great interest she has in a guy because “friend he’s a businessman, he owns property at Nkonyeni Golf Estate and he’s worked for Patrice Motsepe.”

This Blesser phenomenon has its roots in deep in materialism and consumerism; trends that  continue to escalate – probably because of the greater access we have to each other thanks to technological advances that have made communication more instant, more direct and delivered in real time.

Hashtag Blessed.

Our exposure to and keen consumption of  television shows like The Real Housewives of wherever showing unemployed women ‘chopping’ their husbands’ cash on wining and dining in country and night clubs and shopping malls, and of South African reality shows profiling extravagant characters like Kenny Kunene are a good example of present day Blessism.

The flip side is that for some young, uneducated and unemployed women, this trend is a lifeline. Some women did not complete school because they did not have the means to – our systems still fail to cater for the poor for instance. Some of these women want to return to their studies and a Blesser helps to finance their studies.

I’m most worried about the future social impact of such a practice on my boy child who’s already being largely neglected by community social development programs implemented by governments and development partners as we seek to balance the scales by empowering the previously disadvantaged girl child. The stakes keep getting higher for the boy child; too much pressure and too little guidance.

Some of the people catching feelings from the Blesser talk cry morality; that this trend is a form of prostitution - a trade (profession) believed to be the oldest in the world and going stronger than the Lilangeni and Zim dollar combined against the U.S. dollar.

We prostitute ourselves every day and night in the streets, bedrooms, corporate boardrooms and chiefdoms where we disregard our values, sell our souls and brothers for the shiniest buck or favor that will pay Sisekelo school fees and the Spur bill. 

What would we be or do without Blessers?

Blessers, sexual or otherwise have been part of our lives for a long time and will continue to be. We can only try to counter the Blesser mentality by defining and upholding our individual and collective values and being each others’ keeper. It takes a village…