Bring Back Our Men!

The below article first appeared in my column 'Opinionated' in Times of Swaziland on August 27, 2016.
The Guest Writer is named Vumile Mabusela.

Enjoy these rumblings of a grateful but tired 'independent' young and black African woman and mother.

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Bring Back Our Men! 

By Vumile Mabusela

We have come a long way since the days of women ‘are seen and not heard’. Their place is no longer only in the kitchen and we’ve seen real progress in the fight for equality, although slow but evident nonetheless. However, as a mother raising ‘the boy child’, I do worry about the future – the relations between the empowered girl child and my not so empowered ‘boy child’.

Gains Made

Even though Patriarchy is still rife and very much alive we have at least managed to spit in its face and shame the perpetrators.  

It has become shameful to comment about a woman’s looks, in fact as a man, you could even lose your job if found doing so, ask  Jose Dos Santos of  South Africa’s third largest mobile network operator Cell C. He went from being a CEO to a sexist fool in a suit in twitter speed.

Impressive, is also how this movement to empower women has accommodated the girl child to instil in them a sense of leadership and to break down gender biases and taboos. 

In some parts pf Africa including neighbouring South Africa, there are initiatives such as “Take a girl child to school” that show young girls that they belong anywhere they may choose to belong. This is commendable really.

(Dis) empowered women raising boys

That said, as a mother raising the ‘boy child’. I often ask myself if I’m equipping my son with the necessary skills for this upcoming strong (black) woman we’re continuously empowering through various initiatives. 

One might say nothing needs to be done to prepare our boys since they are already at an advantage by merely being male. I say NO.

I must point out that I am that ‘girl child’ who was born in time to reap the rewards of the ongoing emancipation of women – think Beijing Conference. 

But I have issues to raise and they are very real. Thanks to the ‘Beijing women’ we are independent; we pay our bills and it’s all good...until we meet that man (or is it male?) who is not ready for us – the Beijing empowered girl child.

I might pay my own rent, buy my own car etc. but bathandwa, this does not mean I stop being a woman. I still want to be pursued, courted and doors opened for me. Therein lies the problem; it’s also not in my long term plans to feed myself to the grave, although I can and probably will, but not if I can help it.

In our quest as women, to achieve equilibrium, we have taken most power from the man, to our detriment. I speak for myself here when I say I don’t want a man less powerful than I.  

Can my man conquer me please while being cool with my feminine strength in the boardroom or even in the bank balance? The fact that I can pay for my bill at the restaurant does not mean I want to. Independent woman does not mean I will not appreciate a car as a gift.

Catch 22 towards Vision 2022

What do we tell our boy children then seeing I, and many other empowered women like me, are already at crossroads and we’re not too far from the promise that the year 2022 holds for Swazis? 

Because no matter how powerful the woman, she still wants to be a sexy weak (beep)

Do we have strategies to help prepare the boy child for the ever-emerging strong black woman? Can these be shared widely pronto? Because otherwise we risk changing, completely, the natural balance. I want my son to be well equipped for this new era. 

We might not have the men we dream of, but can we at least raise them? Bring back our men. Sicela emadvodza latomelana nalesivung’vungu. We’re already enough with the horror stories we hear from ladies who are asked for favors by their male lovers; anything from airtime to petrol and no, it’s not Ben10 scenarios.

Men are just finding it easier today than ever before to be kept, even those who can afford to look after themselves. Look, there’s everything good about looking after your down-and-out man because you know you are backing someone who will rise again but there are also men who are just too happy being mothered by their girlfriends...Kubi!

There is still nothing as sexy as a man who is king in his castle and that is why some of us gravitate towards Lozitha route...when the natural craving has spoken. Can we have a man who appreciates a woman’s strength without losing his own?

Before I pen off, to those who may feel I’m betraying the struggle for women emancipation...remember what I said earlier, I’m that ‘girl child’ too. Help!