What’s The Point of Umhlanga?

This article first appeared in the column 'Opinionated in the Times of Swaziland on September 11, 2016.

The author, a guest writer to the column, believes that there's a point (that's quiet easy to miss) to traditional ceremonies like Umhlanga/Reed Dance because of our never ending rat race to acquire material possessions rather than values to live by.

Back to Afrika where 'each hand washes the other' is where Joy wants us to stay. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

What’s The Point of Umhlanga?

By Joy Zulu

My! aren't we festive these days? We just had the Umhlanga ceremony in Swaziland, followed by same in Zululand. But what’s the meaning of Umhlanga? 

I'm invested in both the Swaziland and Zululand ceremonies as I hope you are too. Calm down, I'm anything but a litjitji, what I am though is a WOMAN, a MOTHER, and a WORLD CITIZEN. All these roles come with responsibilities, that despite my not signing up for or choosing, I have to take seriously and I do.

Mentoring: A Civic Duty

Judging is so easy (and fun). Taking responsibility in all our roles isn't. As women, mothers and world citizens are we mentoring our girls including the Umhlanga maidens?  

Do we take time to encourage them in pursuits other than being "on fleek"? Do we show them the side of us that went back to school after falling pregnant?  

Do they know that at least 95% of us are no longer together with our High School Sugar Daddy - oh sorry Blesser is the nom du jour? 

Do we tell them that high school popularity means nothing 10 years later; it's more like a millstone or even a yardstick by which all our failings are measured? 

I am not by any means the paragon of virtue; I've messed up in my time, and no doubt will continue to do so. 

I wouldn't recommend that any young woman use me as a template but here I sit and these things are par for the course because "indlela ibutwa kulabasembili" and so here I find myself in these 35 going on 25 years of my existence.

Wrong Models for Role Modelling

No doubt, I too am the result of this system of mentoring by those who have gone before me. This undertaking in fact, is the result of mentoring by my ‘wrong model’ - the owner of this column who despite being a peer as age-related definitions and statistics go is a mentor nevertheless. I doubt she knows this. 

I'm not even going to tell her this, lest she begin to avoid me as we tend to associate mentorship with hours long lectures and sermons which I highly doubt are anybody's idea of fun, particularly when they don't translate to a bank balance upgrade.

In fact, in our minds, mentorship comes with an expectation of perfection, adding unnecessary pressure which nobody needs. 

Let's dispense with that right this very second; definitions are so cumbersome but necessary so let's redefine some concepts: the positive far outweighs the negative - it's a thing of beauty really, a sight to behold, that moment when as a woman or actually a person, you realize who you are and you begin to move decisively and purposefully towards your dream life, which isn't some far off unattainable by and by. 

Your dream life is right now! Sure you probably want a bigger house, a more powerful car, you probably want to move from VIP to VVIP *SHINE* …attainment isn't the issue - effort is.

 

Above: Girls at the reed dance ceremony in Swaziland and KwaZulu, South Africa below. The Author believes this activity should remind every adult of the responsibility towards younger people.

Dear Child #Nonkhe

These musings were brought on by the story of a 16 year old that I know of through one of the hospitals I work with. I want to call her Thandi, because the love that she thought she had was the very thing that costed her life.

Thandi was 15 When she met M**** (that name Euphonik called us all) and fell pregnant. A traditional wedding was arranged in a bid to "dignify" the whole palaver. She left school at Grade 9, 

M**** promised to re-enroll her after their baby was born. Baby was born in June. Enough time for Thandi to start the new term with other learners. M**** decided school was too expensive. 

M**** actually took this decision with his parents who live in the same homestead. I include this tidbit to highlight that not everyone who calls you “koti" actually loves you and has your interests at heart (I hope we remember to share this pearl of wisdom with our girls. 

Love and respect your in-laws, but know that they never lose focus; they know exactly where their loyalty lies.

M**** went out and got drunk this night. Someone at the bar said something about Thandi having fresh thighs. M**** came home and beat Thandi up, raped her (yes RAPE - the bruising on her vagina shows it); bashed her head against the wall- don't argue - the fractures on her skull show it. The grand finale involved him pouring an acid yet unidentified on her thighs after she had fallen unconscious.

I'm writing this and I'm imagining Thandi's screams. M****'s parents did nothing to stop the proverbial war. They waited till morning - around 9am according to the docket, it was the baby's incessant screams that moved their hearts. 

They saw Thandi lying on the floor naked and unconscious. “We thought she would eventually wake up" they recounted to the social worker. The ambulance was called after 4pm. They called a makoti from a neighbouring homestead to accompany Thandi.

Last year, 360+ days ago, Thandi was dancing at the Umhlanga ceremony - this year the ceremony at Enyokeni in KwaZulu is coinciding with her funeral. 

Thandi's parents only got involved when it was time to sign mortuary papers. M**** never once came to see her in hospital... nor did his parents.

I never met Thandi, but I'll be damned if I ever hear another story like this! That is what Umhlanga means to me. It reminds me of my responsibility to mentor.